Deuteronomy 31:12 "Hakhel eth ha'am ha'anashim ve'hanashim ve'hataf
ve'geircha asher be'she'arecha . . . ."
"Gather together the people -- the men, the women, and the small children,
and your stranger who is in your cities. . ."
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The verse teaches us that all are to be gathered, even the small children who cannot yet learn and understand; this teaches us the importance of our unity. To properly observe the Torah and its commandments, the entire nation must be focused and united. This verse tells us that when different groups of people are joined together, a blessing touches each of them. The rashei teivoth (first letters) of the words taf, nashim and anashim spell the Hebrew word, teneh, which means basket; a basket is a vessel which is capable of receiving and retaining blessing. The gematria of the word teneh equals 60 which equals the number of letters there are in the benediction of the kohainim which is considered the most superior blessing. The Torah tells us that "the kohain shall take the basket (teneh) from his hand and place it before the altar of Hashem." Homiletically, the kohain referred to in that verse is the angel Michoel and the basket represents the collective souls of all men, women and children of Israel. The word teneh shares the same gematria (60) as the number of tractates in the Talmud. Through the merit of the (study of the) Talmud which contains sixty tractates, we are worthy to be blessed through the sixty lettered benediction of the kohainim. When the book of Devarim is read, the entire nation (men, women, children and converts) must be present to hear its teachings as one one unified entity. Hashem does not wish for us to keep His Torah and observe his commandments as cloistered hermits. Hashem does not want us to shut ourselves away from humanity like like monks in a forest apart from humanity and the pulse of the world. Hashem wishes that Torah life be cast upon everyone in Israel, the great and small alike. While the message of the "hakhel" is to teach the people Torah, it also exists to teach the nation unity; the Torah tells us to "gather the people in order that they hear." The goal is for each one to find the proper path to Hashem to further the will of Hashem. ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** It is paramount that married people work hard at making their marriage good. Learning Torah and observing commandments when married carries a greater punch and may find more merit in the eyes of our Maker than when doing maintaining the same level while existing without the blessing, and often, yoke of marriage. The state of matrimony is the "higher level" that the Ben Ish Chai, z'tl, refers to in the above piece; the closeness to Hashem which emerges is because the parties involved not only include the soul of one individual, but that of his spouse and his children. You can call it "compound de'veikus" or whatever you wish but the bottom line is that the aggregate closeness to Hashem is achieved within a family framework. In short, the whole exceeds the sum of its individual parts. When there are differences between a husband and his wife, both should try to maintain a high spiritual level throughout. Avraham and Doniel had their fiery furnaces and Iyov his afflictions. One should endeavour to accept the inevitable disputes, whether large or small, as beneficial afflictions, especially when they occur in the month of Elul or before the Sabbath. It is unbelievably hard and often impossible for someone to focus and maintain clarity of thinking when he has been wronged, but even if this teaching only lies in the subconscience of the reader's mind it may one day prove beneficial. I asked a friend from shule if he and his family would grace my home to enjoy a Shabbos meal, he told me it was not a good idea to ask his wife anything these days. Surprised, I asked him what they were fighting about and he just waved his hand and said "Beh." I asked him why she was angry and what he could do to help her. He told me that if he knew why she was angry he could do something. He said that she is angry because she has to be angry and that she fights because she has to fight. Several hours later, I replayed our conversation in my mind and something struck a chord. I felt that he had supplied his own solution. "She has to fight," he said. She [She is in Boldface] has to fight. He [boldface] doesn't have [boldface] to fight. When confronted by a spouse, often the appropriate response may be to "play dead." We have been taught early on that if we are, heaven forbid, approached by a dangerous animal, we should "play dead." Frequently, the pursuing animal loses interest in its prey when it remains non-combative and unmoving. When confronted by an irrational spouse, it may be a strategic time for the "hunted" spouse to avoid the confrontation. The spouse may decide to go the bathroom. For a very long time. I am not suggesting that a verbally abusive spouse is an animal nor that the spouse on the "defense" literally play dead. I merely state that it may be worthwhile to take some time and compare these two (not so) different scenarios and assimilate whatever you wish. Post Script: When I asked my friend how things were between he and his wife he told me "excellent." And when I asked about the fight, he smiled, shrugged and said, "there have to be fights." |